r/relationship_advice • u/[deleted] • Feb 06 '23
My (30M) GF (28F) was ignored by my friends in our home, and now she hates them...
[removed]
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u/Top-Pension-564 Feb 06 '23
Did you formally introduce her to your friends individually as your girlfriend? If you didn’t, you should have. It’s only polite.
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u/monaforever Feb 06 '23
One of my biggest pet peeves is not being introduced to people I dont know. I have a friend who does this constantly. We'll be hanging out and someone she knows but I dont comes up and they just start talking without acknowledging me. I usually end up awkwardly introducing myself when there's finally a break in their conversation.
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u/nachthexen_ Early 30s Female Feb 06 '23
My boyfriend does this constantly. I handle it very similarly but it’s so uncomfortable 😮💨😒
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u/__babyslaughter__ Feb 07 '23
I used to be a little more socially awkward and oblivious and I did this to my gf, who became my wife later a few times and still feel pretty bad about it.
But there’s hope for them, because now I’m very good about it! lol
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u/nachthexen_ Early 30s Female Feb 07 '23
I believe he’s trying! I’ll talk to him about it later and he’s always like, “omg I thought you knew each other 😩” but it still feels pretty bad and awkward sometimes lol
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u/__babyslaughter__ Feb 07 '23
Remind him he can say something like“I think you met my gf nachthexen before, right” if he’s unsure.
Or even if he knows you met but it was briefly and not everyone remembers say
“Nachthexen you remember myfriend steve.”
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u/nachthexen_ Early 30s Female Feb 07 '23
That’s really solid advice! Thank you! I’ll suggest this next time
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u/chicklette Feb 07 '23
It's just the shittiest feeling. Like, oh, they're not proud to be with me at all. They don't even want this person knowing we're together.
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u/nachthexen_ Early 30s Female Feb 07 '23
Hard relate. His response is always “well everybody knows you’re my partner!”
Well yeah but not this stranger I’ve clearly never met? 🤦♀️😂😮💨
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u/gvedem Feb 06 '23
nobody introduces people any more, I'm not an Emily Post person but this is one thing we must get back to
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u/thatsnotmyname_ame Early 20s Female Feb 06 '23
What? I thought this was still supposed to be the standard. It’s definitely seen as incredibly rude not to introduce people who don’t know each other, when socializing or out & about. At least where I’m from.
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u/yawaworthemn Feb 07 '23
Absolutely, people get SO awkward and strange when it’s time to make introductions. I’m not at all shy about introducing myself but it’s just so rude. Really makes me mad.
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u/Kyuthu Feb 07 '23 edited Feb 07 '23
d told me that I'm justifying their actions and that she will not be ignored in her own home and that she won't have it, and then stormed out.
This is a huge one.
They are socially awkward, she is socially awkward. But I also would never not introduce new people and my partner if they've never met, and I know both. It's just automatic.
And also, tell the friends. Like just literally say 'my gf said hi last week, only x replied. Ever since she's thought it was a bit rude and it upset her. Honestly, she's basically right even though I know you all well enough to know you didn't mean anything by it. But next time you're over, can you give her a 'hi how are you' etc to make sure game nights don't get moved to your house next :P'
And that's it.
Your gf did say hi and get ignored, but it doesn't sound malicious. All that being said there are better hills to die on that this. If you want to see friends be bad to a partner.... there's just better hills to die on than some socially awkward boys didn't say hi back, but meant nothing by it. My partner's friends have actively tried to cause issues, and were deliberately rude. 3 years later, one still hasn't spoken to me... like not even kidding, one word answers. And she does mean it. So honestly, just tell her she's right but people are human and make mistakes, and if there was no INTENT behind it, that you will speak to them about it (because they probably don't even know) but after you've spoken to them about it, and they don't do it again... She does need to move on.
I'd take a guess, really all she wants is you to speak to them about it, as above. That's all I ever wanted my bf to do when his friends were being shit. If your gf still is not happy, then ask her what she wants you to do. Like just ask, what would make this better for you... But I bet it's just this. My biggest issues in my relationship, stemmed from my bf ignoring things the girls in his group were doing to me by saying 'they're just like that' 'they'll get over it' etc etc. Then the issue became with him and not them, and I stopped trusting him to be a solid partner I could rely on. I now no longer want to go to anything with them, and if he'd just been like... 'right we're all late 20s/early 30s, what are you lot doing, this isn't on...' I bet as a couple we wouldn't be in this position we are now.
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u/drfishdaddy
Feb 06 '23
•
You change age and genders in the last week?
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Feb 06 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/goodbye-toilet-cat Feb 06 '23 edited Feb 06 '23 •
This is a forum for relationship advice, not aspiring writers’ empathy exercises. Go read a Colleen Hoover novel.
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u/stratus_translucidus Feb 06 '23
Don't do that. It comes off as you playing games with people who are trying to give you the advice you posted for.
That's for 16 year olds - not 30-year-old adults, which you allegedly are.
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u/dognailsclick Feb 06 '23
You know that just gets you advice for people who aren't you, though, yeah?
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u/shellybearcat Feb 06 '23
Then you aren’t mature enough to be in a relationship let alone asking for advice on one. If you can’t understand how age and gender are important contexts. Which is why it’s literally a required part of posting asking for advice.
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u/grissy Feb 07 '23 edited Feb 07 '23
Sometimes I switch genders and ages to get the other perspective. It's an exercise is putting myself in their shoes.
Oh fuck allllll the way off with this insultingly stupid bullshit. You got busted trolling; admit it or don’t, but don’t waste everyone’s time even more than you already have with the world’s dumbest excuse. We both know you’ve got to make a new account now anyway.
Edit: FYI since OP deleted his post so he could continue pretending he's not deliberately being deceptive, I quoted it above.
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u/Neezzyy Feb 06 '23
Maybe you should exercise restraint in typing out fantasy situations for attention online like a pathetic loser.
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u/TheBaddestPatsy Feb 06 '23
I’ve has a lot of experiences where I’ve been around an boyfriend’s guy friends, or my brother’s guy friends, or my roomate’s group of boardgame bros—and the ones who have pretended like I don’t exist always also turn out to be sexist in other ways.
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u/MichyPratt Late 30s Female Feb 06 '23
I have been with my partner 10+ years. He’s an extrovert who games. Tabletop dungeon crawlers, Magic, poker etc. I know everyone that comes to our house now, but when we first moved in together, I didn’t always know the people who came by. Jake made it a point to introduce me because he knows it important for me to feel comfortable with everyone who spends time in our home. And I’m an introvert. You should have introduced her. She should be mad at you, not your awkward friends.
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u/sassydegrassii Feb 06 '23
Did you introduce your friends to her as your girlfriend or did you expect a group of socially awkward adults to do it themselves? Because unfortunately sometimes people need the extra help.
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u/noelle588 Feb 06 '23
What did you say to your rude friends about ignoring your GF in her own home?
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u/Life_Temporary_1567 Feb 06 '23
Right like idc about you being socially awkward it’s MY HOUSE the hell
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u/noelle588 Feb 06 '23
Yup! And now he’s here asking Reddit. His gf is right, he is justifying their behavior and basically making her feel like she’s overreacting instead of talking to his rude ass friends about being rude to his gf in her own damn home! I wouldn’t want to have them over either.
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u/Denamesheather Feb 07 '23
No this, the way I would have ended that little get together so quickly.
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u/nun_the_wiser Feb 06 '23
Nah she’s right. I don’t want anyone in my house that won’t acknowledge me. doesn’t matter how awkward your friends are, they’re rude as hell.
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u/MrsJonesy2012 Feb 06 '23
You are justifying their behaviour, they were incredible rude. You are aware being ignored in her own home is a trigger for her and yet you are being dismissive of her feelings.
Being awkward isn't an excuse to have bad manners. Saying hi would not have killed them, making her feel welcome would have been easy. Trying to explain away their behaviour is bad form.
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u/percybert Feb 06 '23
Sick and tired of people using “social awkwardness” as an excuse for everything. Guess what, most people are socially awkward until they are comfortable in a situation. Do you think it’s easy to start a new job? Go to a networking event where you know nobody? Go to a party where you only know one person? Etc etc.
Your friends were unbelievably rude to your girlfriend IN HER OWN HOME
Unless they are all 6, it’s time to grow up
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u/TheBaddestPatsy Feb 06 '23
Socially awkward is one thing, not being able to reply “hi” is a whole other level
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u/thatsnotmyname_ame Early 20s Female Feb 06 '23
Guess what, most people are socially awkward until they are comfortable in a situation.
For real. It didn’t even used to be called socially awkward, it was just “awkward” or “awkward sometimes.” Like a regular descriptor, rather than treating it like a condition in itself.
I know that extreme social awkwardness/ social anxiety can be a trait of certain disorders.
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u/KenDaGod4238 Feb 07 '23
True! My fiance is socially awkward but he can usually find SOMETHING to talk about with a person he's just meeting. Even if it's just "we're playing x game. Have you ever played before? Do you know how to play?"
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u/EKC1080 Feb 06 '23
If my bfs friends were rude and ignored me, I wouldn't want them in my house either. The fact that you're not speaking to them for being rude makes you an asshole. And I guarantee if that happened and I paid rent there, they wouldn't be allowed back. Wow dude. Grow a backbone and call your buddies out.
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u/Propanegoddess Feb 06 '23
They ignored her in her house? Where she plays bills? And they’re guests? They wouldn’t be coming into my house until each and every one of them made it right. And you need to back her up.
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u/Life_Temporary_1567 Feb 06 '23
Your friends are rude. Tell them to say hello to your girlfriend next time. If they’re that socially awkward they need behavioral therapy and you need to apologize to her as well.
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u/ZTwilight Feb 06 '23
You should have introduced her to your friends- even if they had already met her. “Hey guys, you remember Katie, my girlfriend. Katie, you remember Tom, Duck and Harry.” Then if your friends were still silent, you should have started a conversation that would include everyone, including your GF.
Maybe she’s overreacting a little -BUT she feels the way she feels, and she should come before your friends. Apologize to her for not doing more to engage them into a conversation with her. And be a better leader and teach your friends how to not be so socially inept.
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u/TheSaltRose Feb 06 '23
I would be livid if my partners friends ignored me IN MY HOME. Fuck them all if they can’t even be polite they don’t deserve to sit in her house and use her electric and eat her food.
They all need to apologize to her face one by one. Bringing an apology gift wouldn’t go amiss either.
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u/Expensive-Network-93 Feb 06 '23
This is not socially awkward that’s just rude and lazy.
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u/EdgeMiserable4381 Feb 06 '23
Somewhere on this thread OP admits he changed genders and age during the last week for an "empathy exercise". How obnoxious
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u/ohkammi Feb 06 '23
She should have been introduced from the start, by you. That seems to be the biggest mistake. I find her reasoning a bit hypocritical because it’s generally considered rude to stay in another room and not introduce yourself when you have guests over. It sounds like by the time she decided to make herself known, everyone was already focused on the game. It also doesn’t sound like she made any real effort to introduce herself if she was saying hi from the kitchen while everyone else was in the living room. Yes ignoring her when saying hi is really rude behavior on your guests part, but saying she never wants to see them again based on this one interaction is kind of extreme to me.
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u/saclayson Feb 06 '23
It’s all extreme… DRAMATIC! Thank you for pointing out that she was rude for not coming out until the game was more than half over. Maybe these friends were uncomfortable knowing she doesn’t like them. People aren’t always aware of how manipulative they are. She is likely simple minded but she knows how to get rid of friends and family…. Isolation is key…. when you don’t want anyone else to touch your possessions, oooops I mean your person. We don’t own our significant other ever, people can’t be possessions.
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u/Successful-Sky4716 Feb 06 '23
Being awkward isn’t an excuse for not having manners. When you enter another persons home it’s the bare minimum to acknowledge them and thank them for allowing you into there home. When someone invites me to there home I never come empty handed either.
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u/kevin_r13 Feb 06 '23
The way I think about it is like this . if you're the host of a house , or family member of The Host, and you ignore the people who come in there, then don't be surprised when they don't really interact with you or say much to you, because they're used to you being that way.
If she feels slighted right now, think about all the times they were there and she was in her room and didn't really interact with them. as guests, they may have felt slighted as well.
Obviously it's normal interactions to say hello to someone who says hi to you but who knows what's going on. maybe your girlfriend and all your friends have a certain personality wuirk that makes them all the way they are and seems like due to a misunderstanding, everybody needs to actually interact with each other more and see that nobody's intending anything personal it's just all the way things went.
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u/Mundane_Bike_912 Feb 06 '23
I'm more along the lines of esh.
They were there for a while, and only halfway through, does she come out to say hi. I see it as they were all rude, including her.
I was taught to say hello then go do as I please.
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u/Alda_ria Feb 06 '23
Came here to write this. First she decided to ignore her guests, because they were her guests too. And it somehow wasn't rude. But then she came, and they ignored her, which was rude too, but probably they were just surprised and she disappeared too quickly. And OP never introduced her properly, which is also not good.
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u/NotoriousJAM Feb 06 '23
Duuude. No. They were rude. You should have said something and now you are trying to shift the blame. Good partners don’t do this to their Girlfriend.
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u/quickcalamity Feb 06 '23
It’s also considered rude to have people in your home without greeting them upon their arrival and showing a level of hospitality. If this anxiety “epidemic “ continues to spread, no one will ever leave their house for a game night ever again.
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u/Zeroharas Feb 06 '23
Was this in the middle of the game, or were you guys on a break? Also, why does her social anxiety matter but their social anxiety doesn't?
If you guys were on a break, talk to your friends about greeting her and formally introduce everyone. If you weren't on a break, explain to your girlfriend that everyone was concentrating and things like that happen. Either way, this one time isn't a good reason for her to hate your friends. If this has happened multiple times in the past with these same people, you need to tell your friends to be polite in your shared home or else game nights will need to be hosted elsewhere.
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u/WildRicochet Feb 07 '23
- Your Gf should introduce herself when guests arrive if they have never met, instead of hiding away and showing up randomly in the middle of the night.
- They were rude not to respond.
- Your gf is allowed to not interact with them, but holy shit is that the most childish way to react to this situation. "They didn't say Hi when i showed up randomly in the middle of your game night, so now I hate them forever". Way to make a mountain out of mole hill.
solution: "hey guys I'd appreciate it if next time my gf says Hi you should say hi back and not ignore her."
Your GF and your friends are social idiots. How about we use our words to deal with this so we can avoid this in the future.
also, I think i saw a comment where this post is fake, if so, you suck.
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u/labtech89 Feb 06 '23
Did she just do a general hi or did she tell each person hi? They could of thought that she was replying back to you. I am socially anxious but I would not sit in my room if my SO had guests over. That is rude.
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u/Away-Caterpillar-176 Feb 06 '23
I would point out that you were actually being the rude one for not introducing your friends to her, for starters.
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u/HHIOTF Feb 07 '23
Ask her to give them a second chance. It's not a big ask. If she were in your situation, how would she react?
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u/yawaworthemn Feb 07 '23
You gotta be the host, man. You can’t just awkwardly laugh off your impossibly rude friends (and they are stunningly rude). You make sure they’re polite to your girl. They acted badly and I don’t blame her for writing them off. She’s right that she shouldn’t be ignored in her own home. You gotta talk to your friends.
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u/princessro123 Feb 07 '23
being socially awkward doesn’t justify being rude but it sounds like your girlfriends anger is misplaced and she should be mad at you for not making sure she feels comfortable.
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u/PattersonsOlady Feb 06 '23
Did you introduce her? Do they know her already? Did they hear get say hi?
Besides that, you absolutely should have stayed and actively included her. You are the pin that connects her to your friends so it was your job to ease them into friendliness. It’s what being a host is.
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u/Iffybiz Feb 07 '23
First off, why didn’t she greet them when they first came there? To me that seems a bit rude. Why wasn’t she included in the game? Even if she doesn’t really like games she could have made an effort to be sociable. She could have said individual hello’s instead of a group “hi” like she did.
Look I get she’s socially limited but most people will only give back what they are given. She gave off the vibe of really not wanting to interact with them and that’s the way they responded. They should have at least said hi but for her to accuse them of being rude when she was rude to them is the height of irony.
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u/Chaoticgood790 Feb 06 '23
Sorry but there’s socially awkward and just ignoring someone in their house and not even saying hi. Cmon now
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u/motherof_geckos Feb 06 '23
Umm. If a guest can’t be bothered to even greet the other person who lives in the house, why are they invited? Massively rude, idc if you’re socially awkward, I have anxiety and I manage a hello at the bare minimum. Oh and then the end info? And you’re doubling down?!
“Hey friend abc, GF and I live together, it would be greatly appreciated if you could respond to her when she greets you, and at least try to make conversation. This is her home and it’s disrespectful otherwise.”
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u/Klutzy_Scallion1143 Feb 06 '23
This exactly! Why are people making excuses for your rude friends? Why are you making excuses for them? Why would anyone believes it’s ok to not acknowledge a hello from the person who lives in the house? WTAF? Set your friends straight or have game night at someone else’s house. The girlfriend will ultimately hold you responsible for tolerating your friends’ behavior. Wow. People are dicks.
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u/yeah_right_4685 Feb 06 '23
Your friends WERE rude. Why are you defending them? You agreed they were and immediately started making excuses for them.
it's more difficult to interact with a person when you're already in a group.
It's really not and this is the most ridiculous justification for rudeness I've seen recently. Greeting someone takes exactly zero effort and your friends somehow managed to do LESS than that!
told me that I'm justifying their actions and that she will not be ignored in her own home and that she won't have it
You are. They did. Good for her.
Have your game night elsewhere if you can't be bothered to tell your idiot friends to stop being rude to someone in their own home.
If I were her, I'd be questioning what's wrong with you that you couldn't stand up for her.
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u/DocSternau Feb 06 '23
This sounds a lot like a pot calling the kettle black situation.
Yes your friends were rude by not even saying Hi and yes you should talk to them and suggest they applogize to your girlfriend. But as someone who has social anxiety on her own your girlfriend should be a lot more understanding of people that are socialy awkward. Especially in a first meet situation.
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u/fromabuick Feb 07 '23
Just make sure this isn’t an attempt to wedge your friends out of your life… sounds like the first step of you not being allowed to have them in the house.. it’s a slippery slope…
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u/ListenToTheWindBloom Feb 07 '23
I think you should say to them that you noticed they didn’t make an effort with her (do not mention that she was upset) and that you thought it was rude since it’s her home and they are guests, and that you hope to see them make a real effort next time they come round or else it won’t be comfortable to keep hosting.
Maybe they have enough wherewithal to bring something to share or similar so there is a reason other than the game for her to come and hang for a bit. If they are considerate enough to say to her that they had been really in the game last time and didn’t even realise how rude they’d been but that it was super unintentional that would be good too I think. A few self deprecating jokes from them about how awkward they are probably wouldn’t hurt. Maybe they could ask if she wants to join in/watch etc. it can’t be just an apology bc that’s awkward, they will need to have a bit of smoothing over/bonding time afterwards so that the water is properly under the bridge.
Make it clear that it is a condition of your friendship that they treat your partner with the utmost respect when they visit you in the home you both share. It’s not even about whether she got upset; you should be upset that this happened to her.
She is having a strong reaction (understandably) but it’s not irretrievable with the right words and vibes.
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u/Ok-Grand-1882 Feb 07 '23
One could argue that not joining the guests was equally rude. Maybe your guests felt slighted or out down my your girlfriend?
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u/Remote_Bumblebee2240 Feb 07 '23
Where's the part where you talked to your friends and told them its actually the least they could do us acknowledge she spoke. Because not in my house will i have people who refuse the baaaaare minimum of noticing I exist when I'm talking with my mouth. They may be socially awkward, but they are also rude and too old to act like that.
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u/Kenna_F Feb 06 '23
Yeah no they were rude and it’s not fair to not talk to them about it if they r gonna be in her space
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u/Billowing_Flags Feb 06 '23
My perspective:
I'd say that she's got a lot of nerve complaining about them! If she couldn't be assed to see them for 1/2 the night, she made it clear that meeting/speaking to them was not her priority (for whatever reason). It was obvious to your other friends that she only made the overture when it suited her. She doesn't then get to bitch that others are "rude" for ignoring her on her timetable.
Basic etiquette requires that she greet people as soon as they arrive at her home, or as soon as reasonably possible (barring an important phone call or actual paid work). She doesn't get to claim that "being ignored" is a big trigger for her when she blatantly ignored them for how long???
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u/MckittenMan Feb 06 '23
Dam. I don't think there was any ill intent.
I think if she was there in the beginning, participating, apart of the welcome greeting, included from the start. Everything would have played out differently.
Showing up mid-way through the night, just to pop in and say hi, kind of has that 'just a roommate' acknowledgement.
Would she be willing to participate in the next event from start to finish, before these resentment feelings become permanent?
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u/z0mb1e87 Feb 06 '23
Coming out in the middle of a game and expecting prompt attention is problematic. Makes your gf seem insecure. Depending on the game, they might have been deeply engaged with the game. It’s a bad all or nothing test.
If everyone is socially awkward then try to start an upcoming game night with a meal that your gf is present for. Try to get everyone talking. If your friends pointedly ignore her at that point then either they are treating her rudely or they notice something about her you don’t that’s setting them off. That part is for you to figure out.
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u/soph_lurk_2018 Feb 06 '23
They were rude and should apologize to your GF. She would be within her rights to ban them from returning to the house.
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u/zanne54 Feb 06 '23 edited Feb 07 '23
Is your GF a cat? Because this kind of behaviour sounds awfully like a cat. She was aloof and didn't join the gathering, declined to greet & welcome the houseguests when they arrived, quietly materializes in a room, and then expects everyone to take notice of her?
TBH if I were distracted by doing something else, like playing a board game with a group of friends I might not have noticed someone entering the room with only a small "hi". But you were the bridge between your friends and your girlfriend, and you noticed her pop in, so you really should have spoken up to ensure she was acknowledged. However, her reaction after the fact is OTT: jumping to hate and cancelling your friends - yikes. It almost sounds like she'd prefer to be the wronged victim so she could wallow in her hurt feelings and have a reason to be hateful towards your friends/deny future visits. Think long & hard if this is the type of immature, manipulative behaviour you want in an adult partnership.
How to proceed, well - it's really her responsibility to manage her social anxiety and childhood baggage. She likely needs therapy or some kind of supplemental learning how to navigate polite social interactions. You can support her, but she's the one who needs to take on the bulk of the heavy lifting.
ETA, to assist with your social awkwardness, here are some pointers on how to facilitate a social gathering, sorry it only says hostess; it should also include "host". https://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Hostess
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u/theonethatbeatu Feb 06 '23
People are saying being awkward or social anxiety isn’t an excuse, but it literally is lol.
Shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Just tell your friends to acknowledge her next time. Your partner isn’t always going to be best friends with your friends, and that’s fine.
Was this in the middle of a game? I’ve been in the same situation and maybe they were deep af into some strategy game.
I personally think the idea that people HAVE to do some sort of social performance just because they are in your house, to be a little entitled. Seems to be an uncommon take based on this thread lol.
End of the day it was rude for sure. But her saying “I don’t want them coming over anymore” seems rather extreme unless there are other details I’m missing.
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u/Significant_Fee3083 Feb 07 '23
If this was in AITA the verdict would be NAH. You're in the right: your friends are probably insecure and/or awkward around new people, hence their reaction to an uneasy stranger. Your girlfriend has the heavy bias of childhood neglect on her side.
I'd urge you to use common logic in talking with her: both parties were uncomfortable around someone new. Next time you both can go together as one unit to hang out with the group. Remember to stay by her side and mindfully, constantly let her lean on you for support! Best of luck 💚
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u/LilitySan91 Feb 07 '23
As a fellow boardgamer: your friends were extremely rude.
I am constantly socially exhausted (I have a job that demands I have extremely high contact with people) and in most weekends I just want to not see anyone I don’t know well (because they know of my low social battery) and yet I can’t imagine a friend’s gf saying “hi” to me and not answering her back (even if we were at a boardgame store, much less at their house).
It is understandable that your gf is hurt and it is your job as boyfriend and friend to help mediate the new opportunity to try and solve this situation.
If your friends can’t respect the people you live enough to say “hi” back, I’d say you need new friends, OP
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u/wigglepie Feb 06 '23
Had your friends met your GF before? If that was the first time they met her, then you should have introduced her to everyone.
However, if they had met her prior to this then they were rude to not at least acknowledge her, especially considering she lives there too.
Have you spoken to your friend group yet to get a sense of how they feel towards your gf? If they don't like her, then I would suggest selecting a different location to meet for your game nights, so as not to make your gf uncomfortable in her own home.
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u/delicate-butterfly Late 20s Female Feb 07 '23
I feel like she needs to understand that her trauma from her mom doesn’t mean that your friends are going to automatically know that this is a big deal for her. Yeah they were a bit rude not acknowledging her, but she is also reacting in a much bigger way than the situation calls for.
I feel like the appropriate way to deal with this would be to tell your friends next game night that your girlfriend wants to feel included sometimes, and then maybe have her join a game so they can get to know each other better. She doesn’t have to join every single time, but once won’t kill her.
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u/Psychological-Gur783 Feb 06 '23
She ignored them first staying in her room. So she is rude as well.
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u/onekate Feb 07 '23
It was in fact rude of them to ignore her when she said hello. Tell your friends they need to do better next time and tell her that she’s right they were rude and you’ll handle it. Their social anxiety is not a reason for her to expect to be ignored in her own home every week. Social anxiety makes people rude sometimes, and it’s ok to call them out and invite them to do better. She also should give them more than one shot.
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u/bella_ella_ella Feb 07 '23
I mean, how hard is it to say hi to someone in their own house? They were definitely rude and I wouldn’t want to be around them either
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u/carlorway Feb 06 '23
She is capable of talking to them ... no? They were guests in her home. She could have started a conversation. I know it is awkward, but now it is more awkward.
Maybe next time they are over she can come out and sit with you and chat with everyone while you stay there (no bathroom trips). Have they been formally introduced or are these people she has known for awhile?
41
u/MrsJonesy2012 Feb 06 '23
She did come out and speak to them. One person replied, the rest ignored her.
Why are you blaming the girlfriend when it's the friends that are the issue?
-24
u/carlorway Feb 06 '23
She said "hi." That's not a conversation.
I am not blaming the gf, but she is also a host, since she lives there. As a host, you talk to your guests and make them feel comfortable.
26
u/MrsJonesy2012 Feb 06 '23
If they had responded back instead of ignoring her then a conversation may have happened. Was she supposed to keep talking whilst they ignored her in the hopes that they would respond?
-30
u/carlorway Feb 06 '23
Honestly, if someone only said, "hi,"" I may have not heard them at all because I have hearing loss. Maybe they ignored her. Maybe they never heard her. Maybe they were distracted. OP said they are all socially awkward.
20
u/MrsJonesy2012 Feb 06 '23
She said hi, someone else said hi. 3 people ignored her. I find it unlikely the 3 people missed the initial exchange of 'hi'.
Socially awkward isn't an excuse to be rude. Plus even if they didn't hear her, they are in her house. It's incredibly rude not to even say hi to her.
If my best friend is at my house and my Husband comes into the room. She will greet him. Because its polite, she's in his house.
-4
u/carlorway Feb 06 '23
There is a big difference between a best friend and gaming friends. It'll assume he has met your BFF before and maybe BFF was in your wedding ?
1
u/MrsJonesy2012 Feb 06 '23
I moved in with him before they ever met, so the first few meetings where basically them saying hi.
But I mean my hairdresser comes to mine maybe once a year (the rest we do at my sisters house/or the shop). She normally says hi to him the minute he walks into the room or arrives home from work. Or he greets her first.
-3
u/deadlocksuede Feb 06 '23
not being the center of attention doesn't mean ignored. she sounds like she's an all eyes on her type.
1
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